There's No School Like Hollywood Arts
by Anubisman15
Summary: A "Wizard of Oz" parody.


**There's No School Like Hollywood Arts**

Tori was at Hollywood Arts getting ready for a play she was directing. She was standing on the stage that had a farm scenery and a cardboard farm house.

"All right, we only have a few minutes before this thing goes on, let's move it people!"

Tori noticed Trina sitting at table getting a manicure from those two kids she babysat at Kenan Thompson's party and wearing sparkly red Fazzini boots.

"Trina, what are these two kids doing to your finger nails?"

"I'm getting a manicure Tori. Can't you see that. You should get your eyes checked."

"And why are they giving you a manicure?"

"Because I'm paying them silly. You like my new sparkly red Fazzini boots?"

"Trina, the play starts any minute now, get ready."

"Fine."

Trina pulled two five dollar bills from out of her pocket and handed them to the kids. "Here you go."

"You promised us ten bucks each," said the boy.

"I coming to go get a snack."

Trina left before the kids could get their ten bucks.

"You're sister's a freak," said the girl.

"I know."

Jade, Cat, Robbie, Andre, and Beck walked into the room.

"No," complained Robbie.

"Come on, just do it," Andre said.

"No."

"Why not?" Beck asked.

"Because I'm afraid of clowns."

"You're afraid of everything," insulted Rex.

"That's not true, tell him it's not true!"

Everybody disagreed.

"Oh come on, I am not afraid of everything."

"Dude, you freaked out when you say a tiny little bug," said Jade.

"It could have been poisonous."

"Come on, you're afraid of more things than my grandma."

"Guys, guys, can we please get ready for the show?"

"Yeah, I need the extra credit in class. I have not been doing too well," said Andre.

Cat laughed, as she always did.

"Hey guys, watch me blow the world's larges bubble."

Cat started chewing on some bubble gum and began to blow a bubble. The bubble just kept getting bigger and bigger, everybody was sure she would run out of oxygen, but she was still breathing. Sinjin came in the room carrying a cup of coffee and ran up to Jade.

"All right, here's your coffee."

"It's about time!"

Jade took one sip of the coffee and then quickly spit it out on the floor.

"What's wrong?"

"This is decaf! Where is the caffeine!"

"They we're all out, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry you're even in existence!"

Jade walked away angrily.

"Why do you stay with her?" Tori asked Beck.

"I have no idea," he answered.

The kids turned around and noticed Cat's gum bubble had blown up to the size of an exercise ball.

"Wow, that is something," said Trina.

Sikowitz and Lane waked in.

"All right, let's get this show on the road!" said Sikowitz.

Suddenly, an alarm went off and the wind outside started getting heavier and heavier. This had never happened at Hollywood Arts, the kids had no idea what was going on.

"What's happening?" Tori asked.

"It's the tornado alarm," Lane told her.

"A tornado, are you kidding me?"

"I just realized, I don't have insurance!" Sikowitz shouted.

"Quick, everybody, seek shelter!" Lane directed.

Everybody ran off the stage in panic. Tori was about to leave, until a wooden plank came flying through the door and hit Tori in the head, knocking her out. Tori started to dream.

She dreamt that she was in the farmhouse and it was up in the tornado. She saw Sikowitz being lifted up while sitting on a lounge chair, she say Robbie and Andre in a cannon, rowing in the sky, and she say Trina, riding a bicycle in the sky, but then the bicycle turned into a broom stick and Trina was now dressed as a witch. Tori screamed in fear as the house landed on the ground.

Tori went outside to see that she was now in a beautiful land with green grass, blue skies, flowers growing from the ground, many tiny houses, and two children waiting to greet her. A boy was wearing a blue pointy hat with blue overalls, blue pointy shoes and carrying a lollypop while a girl was wearing a pink pointy hat with a little pink dress. Tori was now wearing a short white farm dress with a blue checkered pattern and had her in pigtails tied with blue ribbons and was carrying a basket.

She looked inside the basket to see Rex in there.

"Rex!"

"Hey, what up baby!"

"What are we doing here? What is this place? And where did this dress come from?"

"How the heck should I know woman?"

"Something tells me we're not at Hollywood Arts anymore."

All of the sudden, Cat came down in a giant pink floating bubble, but Cat did not look like herself, she had curly hair and was wearing a lovely pink ball gown with a big blue crown on her head and was carrying a big silver staff with a silver star at the tip. Cat being Cat she had a little difficulty getting out of the bubble.

"Excuse me, could some please help me?"

Tori walked over to Cat and popped the bubble for her.

"Why thank you, this is the first time I've been glad that somebody has bursts my bubble."

Cat snickered at her joke.

"Cat, what are we doing here?"

"I am not Cat, I am the Good Witch of the North. Welcome to the Land of Los."

"Los?"

"Yeah, you know, like Los Angeles."

Cat snickered again.

"Who are these kids?"

"These are Little Monsters, you know, fans of Lady Gaga."

"Yeah, I know.

"They wish to thank you."

"For what, what did I do?"

"For killing the Wicked Witch of the East."

Cat pointed her staff at the house showing Trina's legs sticking out from under it wearing her new red Fazzini boots and white and black striped stockings.

"Excuse me, will one of you lift this house off of me?" she said from under the house.

"Just ignore her," said the girl.

All of the sudden an orange puff of smoke popped out from out of nowhere. As the smoke cleared it revealed Jade, who had green skin and was dressed as a witch and carrying a broomstick. The Little Monsters quickly hid away from her.

"Didn't you just say she was dead?" Tori asked.

"That was the Wicked Witch of the East. This is her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. And you want to know the funny part, she's much worse than the other one."

"That is not helping."

"All right, which one of you punks killed my sister!"

"She did!" Cat told her as she pointed to Tori.

"Why?"

"How dare you kill my sister?"

"Listen, I am so sorry about this, it was just an accident and…"

"I don't care about my sister. I'm just here for her magical Ruby Fazzini Boots."

Tori looked down at her feet and noticed she was now wearing the boots.

"Surprise!" Cat said.

"Why did you just give these to me?"

"I'd thought you'd like them."

"Thank you," Tori said sarcastically.

"You give those back to me right away!"

"Fine, you can have them."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Cat said.

"If you don't hand those shoes over to me right now I'm going to-"

Cat interrupted. "Please don't do this. Remember, we were friends once. Back at Shiz Arts."

"Yeah, I think that's a different musical."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever. I have some stuff I want to cut up, but remember this farm girl, I'll get you my pretty, and your little puppet too!"

Jade then disappeared in a puff of orange smoke.

"Ok, this has been funny, but I really need to get out of here."

"I know someone who can help you. The Wizard of Los. He lives in the city of Emerald Wood."

"How am I supposed to get there?"

"Just follow the stars."

"The stars? But it's the middle of the day."

"Not night stars, these stars."

Tori looked on the ground and saw a parade of Hollywood stars. Tori began her journey to Emerald Wood.

"Will you make me a sandwich?" Rex asked.

No!"

Tori walked away as Trina said "Excuse me, I'm still stuck under here."

Tori and Rex came upon a field of corn, but this was no ordinary corn, instead of regular corn on the cob they were corn stockings with popcorn on the cop and corn dogs.

"Am I dreaming or is this popcorn growing from the ground?"

"You are dreaming," Rex said.

"Excuse me, can you get me down from here?" a mysterious voice said.

"Who's there?"

"Me."

Tori looked up and saw Andre on a pole wearing a green shirt tied with a rope around his waist, brown pants, white cloves, and a black pointy hat, but Tori noticed something peculiar about him, he now had an orange nose shaped like a triangle and had straw sticking out of his body.

"What are you doing up there?" Tori asked.

"I'm in detention, my teachers put me up here because I'm failing a couple of classes."

"Well maybe you should try studying."

"That's not going to help me. I don't have a brain."

"You don't have a brain?"

"Nope."

"Figures," Rex said.

"I'm Tori, I'm going to see the Wizard. Maybe he could get you a brain."

"Sounds good. But first I need to get down from here."

"Right, I forgot."

Tori untied the ropes around Andre's hands and feet and got him down from the pole as the pranced along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Along the way they came upon trees with caramel apples and candy growing on them.

"Are these trees growing caramel apples?"

"Looks like it."

The two looked around and noticed Beck standing still near the trees. He was now made out of tin, was wearing a pointy tin hat on his head, and was carrying a tin axe.

"Is that a man made out of tin?"

"It would appear so?"

The two walked over to him. Beck had mumbled something, but Tori and Andre had no idea what it was.

"What's he saying?" Andre asked.

"I think he's saying oil can."

Beck mumbled again.

"No, I think he's saying hair gel."

"Oh."

Tori picked up a bottle of hair gel from a tree stump and rubbed it all over Beck as he started to move again.

"Oh, thank you. I needed that."

"My names' Tori. How did you get here?" T

"Well, my girlfriend, the Wicked Witch of the West, is really jealous of me when I'm around other girls, so she turned me into a tin man so I couldn't love another woman and I couldn't break up with her, then when I was late for our date she left me here to rust."

"Wait, you're dating the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"That was not a good idea," Beck said.

"I thought I was the one who needed a brain."

"Because I'm tin I don't have a heart."

"No heart?"

"No heart and without a heart I have no sense of love and I can't break up with my girlfriend, so now I'm stuck dating her forever."

"Well we're on our to see the wizard, he's going to get me home, and him a brain."

"And me supermodels," said Rex.

"Rex! Anyway, if he can do that then he can get you a heart."

"Sounds great."

Tori, Andre, and Beck continued their journey to see the wizard. The three stumbled upon a bad neighborhood with graffiti everywhere and houses with broken windows and crack.

"I heard about this place," Beck said "This is a very bad neighborhood, we might run into robbers."

"Or killers," Tori added.

"Or weirdoes," Andre added.

"Oh my," Tori said.

The three skipped along the street repeating "Robber and killers and weirdoes oh my. Robbers and killer and weirdoes oh my."

Suddenly, big furious lion jumped out in front of them and roared real loudly, but then he screamed and cowered on the ground at the sight of them. Tori looked at the lion's face and saw that the lion looked like her friend Robbie except that is face was now the color of a lion's fur, he had a wet nose with whiskers, but he was still wearing his glasses.

"Please, don't hurt me," he begged.

"Why would we hurt you?" Tori asked.

"Sorry, I thought you were thieves. Everyday some mugger steals money from me."

"I can see that," Rex insulted.

"Why would they still money from you?" Beck asked "You're a lion, you can fight them."

"No I can't. I might be a lion, but I've always been cowardly. I wish had some courage so I could fight back."

"Well, goodbye," Rex said.

"I'm Tori, we're going to see the Wizard, he's getting him a brain, him a heart, and me back home, do you want courage?"

"Yes please."

"Then come on."

The four of them set off on their quest to see the Wizard. Along the way they came across a rock concert being held outside. There thousands of screaming teenagers there.

The band playing was a punk rock band who called themselves The Poppy Fields.

"Let's get out of here," Andre said.

Andre and Beck walked way, but Tori, Robbie, and Rex did not follow, instead they were listening to The Poppy Fields.

"Tori, let's get out of here," Andre said.

"No way man, these guys are awesome! It's like I'm under their spell! I could listen to them all night, maybe even forever!"

Tori and Robbie continued listening to the band.

"Oh dear, I know what's going on here. Those guys are friends of the Wicked Witch, she must have hired them to keep Tori from seeing the wizard," Beck said.

"Well that is messed up. What do we do now?"

"Hey, keep the music down!" Beck and Andre both shouted.

Suddenly, Cat appeared backstage. She walked over to the amplifier and unplugged, ending the concert.

"Ok everyone, show's over!"

Everybody groaned an left, except for Tori and Robbie.

"That was close, now let's get out of here."

The four continued their journey until they finally reached a big city that looked Hollywood expect that all the builds were green and the words "EMERALD WOOD" sat on a green mountain spelled out in big green light-up letters.

"We've mad it!" Tori exclaimed.

"Can we go shopping?" Rex asked.

"No!"

The four of them searched Emerald Wood until they found the Wizard's posh green mansion. Tori rang the doorbell. Festus opened a small panel on the side of the door and popped his head out of it wearing a green t-shirt.

"Who rang that bell?" he asked.

"We did," Tori said "We're here to see the Wizard."

"Nobody sees the Wizard. Not anybody not no how."

"Festus, just let them in?" an unknown voice said.

"Fine."

Festus opened the two double as Tori and her friends stepped into an enormous green living room with a green chandelier, a green spiral staircase, a fancy green couch, a green fireplace, an a green flat screen TV.

"Wow, this Wizard must make a lot of doe," said Andre.

"I'll say," Rex said.

Lane walked up to them dressed in a green tuxedo, a green bowtie, and a pair of green gloves.

"Hello," he greeted.

"Are you the Wizard?" Tori asked.

"No, I am the Wizard's butler. You must be Tori, you have lovely cheekbones."

"Thank you."

"Let me take you to the Wizard."

Lane led the kids upstairs as the four of them entered a room that looked a lot like the Black Box Theatre except that the room was entirely green, there was no chairs, the stage was increased with emerlads, there were sparkly green curtains, and there was a long green carpet that led to a big green throne on the stage where Sikowitz's gigantic head was floating.

"I am Los! The rich and famous! Have you ever thought about coming in through the window?"

"No," Tori answered.

"Ok, why have you come here?"

"I'd like a brain," Andre said.

"I'd like a heart," Beck said.

"I'd like some courage," Robbie said.

"And I'd like to get home," Tori said.

"And I'd like some…"

Before Rex could finished that sentenced Tori covered his mouth.

"So could you please grant our wishes?" Tori asked.

"Tori, stay in character," Sikowitz said.

"In character? But I'm not acting right now."

"Come back to tomorrow."

"Tommorow? But I want to go home now."

"Uh, to be a good actor one must…"

Sikowitz went on and on and on as Tori start to keep a little suspicious. She walked over to a green rope and pulled it as the green curtains went up and revealed Sikotwiz sititng on a massage chair drinking milk out of a coconut and wearing his normal hippie clothes, but in green. The four walked over to him in anger, for they had seen he was not a wizard.

"Uh, pay no attention to the man in the massage chair."

"Cut the act, we can see you."

Sikowitz quickly threw a ball at Tori's face.

"All right, what's the deal here?" Beck asked.

"Ok, this is all an act, I'm not really wizard, I just pretened to be a wizard so I can live a fancy lifestyle."

"So you can't grant any of our wishes?" Tori asked.

"Now hang on, you came all this way and you'll get what you came here for."

Sikowitz grabbed a big green bag and pulled a light bulb out of it.

"Scarecrow, you want a brain, well whenever you need to think of something just place this light bulb above your head."

"Thanks man."

"And Tin Man, you want a heart," Sikowitz reached inside his bag and pulled out a candy Valentine's day heart that said "BE MINE" "Eat this."

"But I don't want to…"

"Eat it!"

"All right."

Beck grabbed the heart and ate it.

"Hey, I just realized my girlfriend's a horrible monster. I have a heart!"

"And Cowardly Lion, you want courage, well there is such a thing as over-acting. If you think it you become it, so-" Sikowitz pulled out a leather jacket from out of his bag "Just put this on and act tough, and then as time passes by you'll develop real courage."

"Thanks." Robbie took the jacket and put it on. "I do feel tougher."

Robbie then punched Rex out.

"You wouldn't happen to have a bus ticket in that bad. Maybe even a car?" Tori asked.

"Nope, but I do have a hot air ballon, I'm getting tired of this place. Too many plastic faces. I can use my balloon to take you home."

"Thank you."

Suddenly, Jade reappared in a puff of orange, but this time she was not alone. By her side she had Sinjin, who still had his glasses and his curly hair, but now had a blue face, gray fur, a monkey tail, giant black bat wings and was wearing a green fez with a matching red vest with blue patterns.

"You're not going anywhere!"

"New plan, we're not leaving until you get rid of that gank."

Sikowitz ran out in fear.

"Am I going to kill you!"

"Me?" Tori asked.

Jade started to immitate her "Oh please no, don't kill me, I'm way too pretty to die."

"I don't talk like that!"

"Uh, excuse me, uh, what's your name again?" Beck asked.

"I think it's Elphaba," Sinjin answered.

"Again, that's a different musical."

"You're so hot" Sinjin complained.

"Back off! This is why I turned you into a flying monkey!"

"Anyway, I think maybe we should break up now."

"What, no, we've been together forever!"

"I know, but maybe it's time to move on."

"Come on, think about it."

Jade walked over to Beck and starting making-out with him. Tori liked Beck and was really jealous, so she grabbed a pot of decaf coffee and poured all over Jade as she pulled away from Beck and shriekd in pain.

"What did you do that for!"

"I'm sorry, I got jealous."

"Don't you know I'm allergic to decaf!"

"Uh, no."

"Well now look at me! I'm melting!"

Jade was now smoking and getting shorter and shorter.

"Oh, what a world, what a world, I hated my childhood!"

Jade was now completely melted, the only thing left of her was her fat and her broomstick.

"No!" Sinjin shouted. He walked over to the hat and picked it up. "She was just about to ask me out!"

"No she wasn't," Tori said. "Now to get the Wizard and get out of here."

But it was too late, Sikowitz was in his green hot air balloon. It went up right through the ceiling and started floating away.

"Come back! Please come back!" Tori shouted.

"I'm not coming back! I've had enough of you freaks! Goodbye folks!"

"Now I'll never get home," Tori said.

"You can stay with me Tori, maybe we could go out sometime."

"Yeah, now I'm feeling worse."

"What girl would want to go out with you," Rex said.

Suddenly, Cat came back in her bubble, but she still had trouble getting out of it.

"Tori, can you help me again?" she asked.

Tori walked over to her and popped the bubble.

"You know, this is the first time I've been glad that-"

"Someone had burst my bubble, you already told me that joke!"

"Oh yeah."

"Can you please help me get home?"

"Oh that's easy, just close your eyes and click your heels three times."

"Wait a minute, I could have gone home all this time and you didn't tell me!"

"I forgot."

"Whatever, goodbye Lion."

"Goodbye Tori."

"Goodbye Scarecrow."

"Goodbye Tori."

"And I think I'll miss you most of all, Tin Man."

"I thought you'd miss me most of all?"

"Hey, this is my dream."

"To get back to Hollywood Arts you'll have to say, there's no school like Hollywood Arts" Cat said.

Tori closed her eyes, clicked her heels through times and said "There's no school like Hollywood Arts, there's no school like Hollywood Arts, there's no school like Hollywood Arts."

"Tori, Tori," Lane said.

Tori woke up on the stage with everyone surroned her.

"I had this crazy dream and all of you were there and it made me realize something. After having that dream, my life is totally less weirder now."


End file.
